Oh Look! Machetes!
February 12, 2012 4 Comments
The cultural enrichment of diversity, the unsought gift that just won’t stop giving, expresses itself in novel and fascinating ways. Pennsylvania has just been treated to a little slash of cultural enrichment, in Wilkes Barre, PA.
A little historical information is in order. Wilkes-Barre sits in Luzerne County, in Eastern Pennsylvania. Founded by European settlers in 1769, led by John Durkee. The settlement was named “Wilkes-Barre”, after John Wilkes and Isaac Barré, British members of Parliament, ad patrons of Colonial America. The city has enjoyed a number of fascinating firsts. Wilkes-Barre is the original home of the Planters Peanuts Company, founded in 1906 by Italian immigrant Amedeo Obici and Mario Peruzzi. Babe Ruth, in 1926 hit of the longest home run recorded, out of the park, into Kirby Field, past the high school running track, measured at a distance of 650 feet. 365 subscribers of Service Electric Cable, in November, 1972, were the first to receive service from HBO cable, making Wilkes-Barre the birthplace of modern cable TV. Wait – this is all Old Dead White Male stuff. We must move bravely into the New World Order of Modern Diversity.
The 2010 census tells us that Wilkes Barre is 79.2% White, 10.9% Black or African American, 0.3% Native American, 1.4% Asian, and 2.9% were two or more races. 11.3% of the population were of Hispanic or Latino ancestry. The Hispanic population was just 1.58% of the population as of the 2000 census. (Uh oh! Council members don’t have to be clued in to what this data bodes…)
The fresh-faced, albeit rapidly darkening, but still eager to learn student body, and helpful staff of caring professionals of GAR Junior/Senior High School, located in beautiful Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania, has just experienced it’s very first machete attack! A Dominican male student attacked a Black male student with a machete, on Thursday, February 9th, immediately after the day’s dismissal. The attack occurred on the school’s grounds. The Black student attempted to stop the blade with his arm, in an act of self defense, and nearly had his arm lopped off for his troubles. No worries – after 8 hours of surgery he alerted the world, via Facebook, that he’s fine. His friends are promising to “…get them (the Dominicans) back..” Hey – some-one alert Quentin Tarantino! His movie, “Machete” depicted illegal Mexican invaders attacking and hacking up Evil White Racists. Not Dominicans hacking up American Africans. He may want to re-shoot the picture. Or perhaps the Black and Brown students missed the memo that they are supposed to hate and kill Whites; not each other.
Isn’t cultural enrichment exciting? Never mind those boring old school pranks, of clumps of wet toilet paper tossed onto the ceilings of the boys and girls bathrooms, or roguishly pulled fire alarms, or a even a phony bomb threat, called into avoid that algebra test – we now have a genuine machete attack! Who needs those little milk cartons, or rubber bands, as a weapons, when one has a culturally authentic machete?
Notice how the Youths refer to themselves as Domincans. Not as “Americans”? Notice how our Authentic Ethnic Witness, Young Black Marquahn Kemp, quoted in the article, specifically cites the race of those involved, without shame, consternation, or a shred of self-consciousness? He’s an American African, and noting, citing and identifying as a member of a specific ethnic group, and noting identifying, and excluding those that are not members of his group is as natural and healthy as Mothers Malt Liquor…errr…Milk to him .
By the way, kudos to The Citizen’s Voice. None of the other handful of articles, in the local news outlets, dares whisper a hint of the physical description of participants of this delightful little of cultural exchange.. The reports collectively throwing up their hands - “We just don’t know why one nice clean American youth would attack another nice clean American youth with a machete. A machete, you say? How odd…”
Speaking as a Native Pennsylvanian, and as a Founding Stock American (that means WHITE) I don’t recall any of my gun-and-Bible clinging avid hunting aficionado adult male relatives, or the gun-and-Bible clinging avid hunting aficionado adult male relatives of my little friends, wield a machete, in an argument or dispute. As a matter of record, we little wee ones were told that if we ever touched – simply touched – one of those myriad of fire-arms our adult male relatives kept for hunting purposes, we would have our wee little arms broken off, and we would be promptly killed, on the spot. For our own good. “Guns and weapons are for grown-ups”, we were sternly told, by Great Big Gruff Scary Grown Up Men. (who bought us housing, food, clothing, warmth in the Winter, and Barbies. We just noticed the Barbies. We never thought about that other stuff.) This may have been Pre Progressive child-rearing Psy-Ops patriarchal terrorism tactic, but [it] worked. We never touched those guns until we were old enough to be properly taught how to handle and care for weaponry. We just did boring things like play, laugh, read books, watch TV (yes – we loved TV/ No issues with PG warnings on TV)), and created little girl fantasies of adulthood, with our glorious Barbies. When we went to school, we learned how to read and write, among other things. How boring life was. although we were ignorant of the dullness, before we were Diverse.
Does any-one reading these words recall the hallowed tradition of good old schoolyard fist fights, conducted by children, in order to resolve childish arguments and rivalries? Nah – those methods are now passe. To old-fashioned, To simple. Too straightforward. You know – too White. Not truly dangerously exciting enough for our Brave Nuevos World. Now that even we stoic, sullen boring, vanilla flavored Hideously White Founding Stock Coal Cracker types have been culturally enriched – we can look forward to many new. exciting, and thrilling examples of Diverse mayhem, and slaughter.
As well as paying the bills for same. But that’s the next story…
How vivid.
Veritas,
Jayne Bonney
Jayne Bonney is a member of the NJ /E. PA Chapter of the CofCC. She can be reached for comment or questions at bonneyj18@gmail.com.

